Thirsty Thursdays: HANSEL & GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS Drinking Game
Over the holidays, I caught the oft-derided 2013 release Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters while on the plane. While a plane ride isn’t the best place for cinematic viewing, sometimes it provides the best surprises. It’s how I enjoyed The Croods, Jack Reacher and more that I skipped over while they were in theaters. I loved the fun but not too campy tone, as well as the practical effects for the troll, amazing witch-y makeup, and so much more. But the plane was definitely not the right environment for this type of movie. It’s best seen with your sharpest and snarkiest friends and your choice of booze. So, in honor of that revelation, I worked with my friends over at Drinking Cinema to craft this awesome drinking game. Check it out below!
Print the Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters drinking game:
- A witch uses magic. Sometimes the magic is useful, like deflecting an arrow or tearing a man limb from limb. But mostly it’s just putting trees in the way of someone chasing you.
- Someone rides a broom! OK, so they’re not brooms, they’re more like sticks. But that’s just one of the many features that shows the makers of this documentary really did their homework.
- We learn something new about a witch! We learn many things during this movie, but it’s mainly that you should burn witches, that they don’t like fire, that they burn easily, and that you should probably burn them.
- You see a cool new homemade artisanal weapon. If this movie was made in San Francisco, Hansel and Gretel would have opened up a shop in the Mission and sold these bad boys next to their refurbished typewriters and pork-pie hats. But instead they use them to kill dozens of women. To each his own…
- We meet a new witch! Not sure if someone is a witch? Just check to see if the suspect is female and/or burns easily. You may have to burn them for a while.
- There’s troll bonding. What does troll bonding look like? You’ll know your troll has bonded with you when he see Rule #7.
- A troll explodes a man’s head into jelly! i.e., that person gets jellyheaded. We didn’t know this was a thing, but apparently it’s not an uncommon way to die in olden times.
- Take a shot for the insulin shot! Hansel needs it for his diabeetus. If only he’d known that eating that entire witch’s house of candy was bad for him!
- DON’T take a shot for every shot deflected (that would probably kill you), but DO take a swig in admiration of the witches’ hand-eye-wand coordination.
- Revel in the R-rated-ness of it and have a sip whenever they let out a fun “fuck”. Feel free to say it right along with them too for added joy.