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THE WOLF OF WALL STREET Trailer — DiCaprio Dances and Tosses a Lobster

We knew, as a species, that we would be reminded of the practical pleasures of another Martin Scorsese/Leo DiCaprio team-up when we first laid eyes upon the first trailer for The Wolf of Wall Street — Scorsese’s new treatise on greed, excess, and white collar crime that is based on Jordan Belfort’s book — but I don’t think any of us expected the frenetic beauty, the marvel, and the collage of fantasti-bizarre contained within this golden snippet.

Please allow me to demonstrate, rap at you, and come correct: Leo DiCaprio (who plays Belfort) co-tosses a midget, pantomimes oral sex with a microphone, feeds a mimosa to a bush, hugs a well dressed monkey, makes it rain greenbacks, and lobsters (which he throws at Coach Taylor from FNL), does this…

dicaprio dances

And yet, he still manages to get out-eccentriced by Matthew McConaughey, who may be playing some kind of cross between his natural self and a parallel world version of Tip Tucker after he got a haircut and got a real job, and if you get the Larger Than Life reference, I can party with you.

Speaking of amalgamations, long have I been obsessed with the Fat Jonah Hill/Thin Jonah Hill paradox and how both entities can simultaneously exist. Really, he’s like some kind of human puffer fish, but in The Wolf of Wall Street, Hill shows us a hybrid body type — In the middle Jonah Hill — and it is glorious, as his character’s voice.

Now I want to talk about Jon Bernthal’s face hair.

Former Shane is the secret weapon here, appearing with some kind of Zappa/Fu Manchu combo-pack while wearing a pair of high wasted leisure slacks made for exertion of the karate variety. I think it’s fair to assume that Bernthal is positively Bob the Gooning it here (action figure sold separately), but I am loving it.

By the way, if all of this and the fast cars, greed, pretty women, impromtou half-naked brass-band-led office parades, and money suits aren’t enough to justify the sacrifice of your movie dollar at the altar of this film, this cinematic turducken, I really have to wonder if you are blind in the way that makes you unable to see the torrential angel tear inducing splendor that is this trailer, and thus, that which is good for you.

The film drops on November 15th. Here is said trailer:

You finished? Good, now go run and tell dat on the tweet box and the book face!

Sources: Mashable and Matt Patches for that tremendous .GIF image.

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Jason Tabrys

Jason Tabrys

In a white knuckled fury, Jason just deleted the bio he's been using for years so he can rap at you and come correct.

His name is Bing Bong, he's an archer and such. Also, he occasionally writes for Screen Invasion, Comic Book Resources, Screen Rant, Nerdbastards and elsewhere.
Jason is really getting used to this whole "referring to himself in the third person thing."