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Grammy Awards Live Blog!

Join us as we celebrate the 55th Annual Grammy’s with a spirited, live blog!

Grab your favorite drinks. Ingest the drugs of your choice. Turn the volume up.

It’s the 55th Annual Grammy Awards! And while we here at Screen Invasion aren’t entirely sold on how representative the these ceremonies are of what is truly GOOD music, they’re a hell of a lot of fun to watch. Various members of the SI Staff will be checking in as the night goes on but I, Jacob Knight, am going to be the closest thing to Ryan Seacrest that you’ll get for the evening (the only time I’ve ever gotten to say that). So tune the TV to CBS and join us for a night of music, booze, snark and much, much more…

RED CARPET (6:00 PM)

The “Mani Cam” and nominee Carly Rae Jepsen just merged to become one, full, cybernetic organism. [JQK]

GlamCam 360 is like Madden recreations for the Bravo crowd. [JQK]

I had no idea that Rupert Grint sang pop music. [JQK]

Number of times I’ve screamed “who are these people?” = 4. [JQK]

Kathy Griffin has been nominated for five Grammys, proving just how worthless these awards actually are. [JQK]

The line-up for LL Cool J’s performance sounds…kind of alright, actually. [JQK]

My wife just informed me that LMFAO is the name of an actual “artist”. Bring more vodka, now. [JQK]

Deadmau5 would lose in a personality contest to each of the individual members of Linkin Park. Think about that. [JQK]

Who’s the Mad Men Cosplayer doing announcements with Adele’s ugly sister? [JQK]

Chris Brown, I heard you wrecked your car into another pile of awful and donuts. Congratulations! [JQK]

The mics died, and Chris Brown just hurled nineteen homophobic slurs at Ryan Seacrest. Seacrest keeps his composure, as usual. [JQK]

I can’t wait until we can all go back to forgetting fun. exists. And it appears that neither can the band. [JQK]

Tito’s Vodka/Lo Carb Monsters Consumed: 1. [JQK]

“Who are you wearing, Carrie Underwood?” “Vera Wang’s face.” [JQK]

Ne-Yo is dressed like a villain from a lost Robocop sequel. [JQK]

Jack White just arrived on a flaming chariot, with a bag full of old blues legends’ severed heads. [JQK]

These commercial breaks are like the Gatorade stops on a marathon. Only, instead of Gatorade, I take shots. [JQK]

Trey Songz does his best to avoid any comments about that awful Texas Chainsaw sequel he just appeared in. [JQK]

Hi, all! Matt Hardeman joining in with Jacob. From the looks of it, he’s been doing the Lord’s work. Five minutes in and I think I hate music now. [MH]

Nas talking about “Cuban Links” just makes me want to throw on some Raekwon [MH]

Sooooooooooooooooo, who’s Miguel? [MH]

Everyone keeps talking about this Gestapo-sounding “fashion memo” the Grammys sent out and J-Lo’s all like “fuck y’all, I’ll show up with my pussy out if I want to.” [JQK]

RED CARPET (7:10 PM)

Adele has arrived, dressed like Margaret Thatcher’s lampshades. [JQK]

Wiz is having a baby y’all! He feels responsible for his seed…*bong rip*… [JQK]

I love Pharrell so much. He’ll never not be awesome in my eyes. [JQK]

ICE CREAM SNEAKERS, I SIGNED MY FIRST SKATER! [JQK]

?uestlove spotting. [JQK]

The question of the night: “how old is Nas”? Answer: 62.3 years. [JQK]

Tito’s Vodka/Lo-Carb Monsters downed: 2. [JQK]

I always think of that “Frontline Narration App” gag from The Other Guys whenever I see Adam Levine. [JQK]

I don’t like Dave Grohl. I haven’t since Nirvana. Like, I’m sure he’s a cool guy and shit, but I can’t help but wonder what Kurt Cobain would think of him now. [JQK]

Faith Hill is a Stepford Wife at this point. It isn’t disputable. [JQK]

Nicole Kidman has a Park Chan-Wook movie coming out in a month…but hey she’s wearing Vera Wang! THIS IS THE SHIT I WANNA KNOW! [JQK]

I only realized that Flo-Rida spelled “Florida” like, two weeks ago. Kill myself. [JQK]

On E!, there’s a ticker known as the “Fashion Alert”. It isn’t measured in colors, but I thought y’all should still know. [JQK]

Kat Dennings is extolling the work ethic of strippers. Chile has just sunk into the sea. [JQK]

I don’t give a shit about a Destiny’s Child reunion. At all. [JQK]

Bon Iver mad. [JQK]

I think I just saw Tyler the Creator in the wide shot. OFWGKTA!

RED CARPET (7:45 PM)

True story: I saw OF on their first tour ever, at the Barbary in Philly. It was the night after Tyler and Hodgy performed “Sandwitches” on Fallon. That shit was insane. [JQK]

Jesus God, Katy Perry. [JQK]

More articulate interview subject – Rihanna now or Schwarzenegger circa 1978? [JQK]

I think Ryan Seacrest just said “we’re going to come inside of Justin Timberlake” and then the camera awkwardly panned away. [JQK]

The look on Seacrest’s face was basically, “eh…live TV. Fuck ’em”. [JQK]

“Let’s talk a little fashion, shall we?” Time to make myself another drink. [JQK]

Timberlake looks like Seacrest just interrupted him doing an eight-ball of off a stripper’s stomach. Just pure annoyance. [JQK]

THAT STRANGE TRANSITIONAL PERIOD BETWEEN RED CARPET AND CEREMONY (8:00 PM)

WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME PRINCE WOULD BE HERE? THIS IS ONLY MY #2 SUIT! [JQK]

Why are they reenacting Saw III on stage? [JQK]

Taylor Swift’s stage show is really disturbing. Is she gonna stab that dude on the wheel? [JQK]

This is like an emo kid’s rendition of Lew Carroll. #TaylorSwift [JQK] JUST FUCKING STAB HIM ALREADY! #TaylorSwift [JQK]

Katy Perry sitting next to Marnie from Girls just melted my reptilian man brain.[JQK]

CEREMONY (8:22 PM)

LL Cool J has just explained the importance of Twitter to all of us. [JQK]

Pitbull’s music just made Jay-Z awkwardly adjust his bow tie. [JQK]

BEST POP SOLO PERFORMANCE (Presented by JLo & Pittbull):

“Set Fire to the Rain” – Adele (WINNER!)

Neil Patrick Harris using ironic gangster rap jokes to introduce fun. The sun has collapsed. [JQK]

Why are fun. dressed like Devo on the set of The Shawshank Redemption? [JQK]

My wife just pointed out that “man capris” are never cool. You hear that fun.? [JQK]

Tito’s Vodka/Lo-Carb Monsters consumed: 3. My heart feels like it may explode at any moment. [JQK]

Dierks Bentley and Miranda Lambert to celebrate country music and John Mayer looking like Willy Wonka. [JQK]

Dierks Bentley looks like a bro-ish version of Matt Berninger from The National. [JQK]

Miguel & Wiz Khalifa now performing. There aren’t a lot of actual AWARDS on this thing is there? [JQK]

BEST COUNTRY SOLO PERFORMANCE (Presented by Wiz Khalifa & Miguel):

“Blown Away” – Carrie Underwood (WINNER!)

Total # of Women Chris Brown has beaten tonight: unknown. [JQK]

SONG OF THE YEAR (presented by Tim McGraw & Faith Hill):

“We Are Young” – fun. (Feat. Janelle Monae) (WINNER!)

Johnny Depp here to introduce Mumford & Sons? [JQK]

I can’t be the only one who hears “Sanford & Son” every time someone says “Mumford & Sons”. [JQK]

OK…so I guess I know who Mumford & Sons are now: a straight, lamer version of Grizzly Bear. [JQK]

Beyonce & Ellen here to introduce Justin Timberlake and….HOLY SHIT FRANK OCEAN IN THE AUDIENCE Y’ALL! [JQK]

Why is Jay-Z not on sta– oh shit there it is. [JQK]

MOMENT THE GRAMMYS GOT COOL FOR A SECOND (9:11 PM) — “Suit & Tie”

tumblr_mi19xjX4UO1qz581wo2_500

Did anyone else feel a Steely Dan influence in some of those JT guitar chords? GOT DAMN! [JQK]

BEST URBAN CONTEMPORARY ALBUM (presented by Kelly Rowland & Nas):

FRANK OCEAN – “channel orange” (WINNER!)!!!!!!!

Oh my God I love you Mr. Ocean. I love you so much for this…

Frank-Ocean-Tumblr

Dave Grohl with the shameless self-promotion! [JQK]

Dan Auerbach from The Black Keys wins PRODUCER OF THE YEAR!

BEST ROCK PERFORMANCE (Presented By Dave Grohl & The Weird Techie Girl From NCIS):

“Lonely Boy” – The Black Keys (WINNER!)

Alicia Keys & Maroon 5? Girl Talk has gone too far. [JQK]

Bon Iver still mad. [JQK]

BEST POP VOCAL ALBUM (Presented By Kayley Cuoco & Keith Urban):

“Stronger” – Kelly Clarkson (WINNER!)

CEREMONY (9:40 PM)

Just saw this and couldn’t stop laughing…

FOCBTumblr

 

Rhianna Performing with…(honest confession: I missed it.) [JQK] (Update: Some Sad Homeless Guy in a Hat)

RhiannaSadBoy

Great “Grammy Moment” we all missed earlier (somehow)…

RiffRaff

 

BEST RAP SONG COLLABO. (Presented By Ne-Yo & Carly Rae Jepsen):

“No Church In the Wild” – Jay-Z & Kanye West (Feat. Frank Ocean) (WINNER!)

Jay-Z don’t need to make no motherfucking speech. [JQK]

All .gifs are coming via Buzz Feed’s tumblr.

The Black Keys take the stage…armed with nothing but some guy wearing a peacock on his dome. [JQK]

BKPeacock

I saw The Black Keys open for Spoon a few years back. That was kinda awesome. [JQK]

Kelly Clarkson performing Patti Page…good stuff, actually. [JQK]

And now Carole King…nice. [JQK]

Tito’s Vodka/Lo-Carb Monsters consumed: 4 [JQK]

BEST COUNTRY ALBUM (Presented By Kelly Clarkson):

The Zac Brown Band – “Uncaged” (WINNER!)

I never like Bob Marley. Or Bruno Mars. But I will smoke pot during this performance. [JQK]

The random cuts to Chris Brown while Rhianna performs are probably the most offensive thing I’ve seen all evening. [JQK]

Taylor Swift strikes me as the girl at the concert who knows every word to every song and makes sure you know she does, too. [JQK]

TaylorSwiftYall

I actually know this song. #TheLumineers [JQK]

I just realized my “live blog” is running commentary on something I barely even watch and that celebrates artists I’ve never really experienced. I’m not sure what that says about me. [JQK]

Jack White is currently making love in a nearby hotel to a beautiful woman while he is also performing at the Grammys. Don’t ask him how he does it. He’s just better than you. [JQK]

CEREMONY (10:27 PM)

Just let out my first drunken “woooooooooooooooo”! [JQK]

BEST NEW ARTIST (Presented By Katy Perry):

fun. (WINNER?) [For real? Better than Frank Ocean? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!] 

Those Geico ads with the pig…they are comedy gold when you’re five vodkas in. [JQK]

Why is Prince Geoffrey playing the piano? [JQK]

Carrie Underwood blurgh. [JQK] 

Need for acid for Carrie Underwood’s dress. [JQK]

RECORD OF THE YEAR (Presented by Motherfucking PRINCE):

Gotye – “Somebody That I Used to Know”

Amazing:

TSWift2

 

Oh stop, now you’re being mean…

TSwift3

 

Dave Brubeck and The Young Han Solo Adventures. [JQK]

Taylor Swift that’s inappropriate during the “In Memorium” reel:

TSwift4

 

Adam Yauch RIP. [JQK]

 

Tyler, the Creator on The Band. [JQK]

It’s awfully presumptuous of the ceremony to tout Frank Ocean’s upcoming performance as “his first at the Grammys”. What if he doesn’t WANT to come back? [JQK]

Frank Ocean. “Forrest Gump”. Goodnight. [JQK]

ALBUM OF THE YEAR (Presented By Adele):

Babel – Mumford & Sons

Now I know how it felt to be all those people who had no idea who Arcade Fire were. [JQK]

This LL Cool J performance is more “Limp Bizkit” than it is “Rage Against the Machine”. [JQK]

NO SLEEP ‘TIL BROOKLYN! RIP MCA! [JQK]

I guess the Grammys gave up on the Grammys tonight…as they cut the last performance short. Anyways…good night. Thanks for playing. And never forget:

TSwiftOne

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The Author

Jacob Knight

Jacob Knight

Jacob Knight is a screenwriter, novelist and journalist from Slotter, Mass. He is most times fueled by scotch, horror films and the Criterion Collection. He currently resides in Philadelphia, PA with his wife and cantankerous Westie pup.